Across various forums and items of personal correspondence I have given glimpses into my vast stores of advice. These nuggets have been so successful I've decided to gather them here, for the edification of a wider audience.
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Since I'm feeling generous, I'll drip some pearls of wisdom onto this thread.
Incog's Best Tips For Guys
A. First off, be rugged. Girls love rugged guys. Don't wear shoes; tie rocks to your feet. Also, it's important to have lots of hair. Girls love lots of hair, especially on the chest. If you don't have lots of chest hair, tape moss or bark to your chest; they can be fooled. If you do have lots of chest hair be sure to leave the top five or six buttons on your shirt undone so they can notice.
B. Girls generally get upset, so it is important you know how to pacify them. Keep a puppy on your person at ALL TIMES. That way, when they get upset you can pull him out and say, "Here, have a puppy!" and they will love you. (If asked "What's that bulge under your shirt?" don't answer "It's not a thoroughbred Pembroke Welsh Corgy puppy." That will give it away. Instead, say, "It's not a puppy.")
C. Allow girls to assume you are an immoral rogue. I call this the "Reverse Mr. Darcy Fisticuffs with Han Solo" effect. This will screen out all the vulnerable women who would otherwise fall madly in love with you. Don't worry about scaring off the Perfect Woman; the Perfect Woman by definition is smart enough to see through the act, and the imPerfect Women will be saved from heartbreak. (<--- this is a real technique.)
D. Always use a screwdriver that matches the screw size. Otherwise, you risk stripping the screw head and then where would you be?
*clears throat*
E. Finally, have a clearly defined set of principles, based on the character of God and the teachings of the Bible. This is easier than trying to keep a law book of rules inside your head, and it's better to please God than to please man. Many girls will value this, too, even if you forget to rise when she leaves the table. 
End Post Quiz
Which of the preceding is an authentic "Best Tip for Guys"?
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
:
:
The answer is...
F. ALL OF THEM.
This illustrates Tip F. Girls like a boy who is decisive, so when given a set of options always choose from outside the set; this will duly impress her with your decision-making capabilities.
G. If you're going to have more than one girlfriend at a time, don't let them know about each other. Trust me, I've had to learn this the hard way. (These rules are general guidelines and there always are exceptions. Supposing they all really really like you, they can be apprised of the situation and then played off each other. But this technique is a gamble and not recommended for beginners.)
H. It's alright to tell a girl she's pretty, even if you're not interested in her. The converse of this is true also; it is not alright to tell a girl she's ugly, even if you are interested in her. Finally, in any group of women do not pick and choose a few to praise. Compliment all of them or none; like the feral duck women are clever and otherwise will figure out what's unsaid.
I. When you make the acquaintance of any woman, immediately begin antagonizing her. This will sift out the weak ones.
Which of the preceding is true? Tip F. tells us it can't be one of the available options, so the answer is "I. and 4/5 of H. Comparing women to any form of duck is derogatory and in poor taste."
This raises tip J. When describing a woman almost all animal comparisons are unflattering. This, too, I've had to learn the hard way....
K. Women are drawn to vulnerability like moths to a flame. (Moths are not animals.) In order to make yourself vulnerable mention something personal, like possessing an additional toe or never eating mustard. This will irresistibly pull the women to you.
Comments (4)
write more often, Nathan. This is good stuff.
Hahaha. That's great.
Great blog!!!
Nice!